Have you ever felt hungry for something and you thought you knew exactly what it was only to come to find out, once you had it, it was not at all what you needed? A soda, a burger, some ice cream.
Have you ever had an ache to do something so bad you could feel it in your bones? And when you finally get the chance to check it off your bucket list, it wasn’t what you needed? Singing on stage in front of a large crowd, getting noticed for the hard work you put in or to accomplish one of your personal goals.
I know the feeling.
As I grow in wisdom and stature I have come to find that my Spirit, Soul, and Body are not in tune. They all play a part in my day to day life, even in my spiritual journey with the Lord, but they are out of wack. The well-oiled machine that God created is not working in harmony as best it can.
What Do You Need?
I confess to wanting a lot of things. Needing even more. Yet I sit here not feeling fulfilled, whole.
Every so often I need my vices. I need World of Warcraft (a 13-year addiction), I need to purchase the Nintendo Switch (the Wii U is never played), I need something to do to fill my time.
I need an escape.
Ultimately I am grasping for something to distract me from what I really need and want.
I want to be whole. I want to be able to sit in my suffering and not need my vices. I want to take on the world for the Lord and bring the gospel to others in need. I want to learn more about the one who died for me on the cross.
It’s Not What You Think?
When we need meat, it’s because our iron is low but we should restore our bodies with beans, lagunes, and cherries.
When we need chocolate, it’s because our magnesium is low but we should restore our bodies with nuts, seeds, greens, and fruits.
Crazy right? Nope, normal and how we should look at our entire lives when we think we “need” something.
So, What Do You Really Need?
As I sit with why I wanted to download World of Warcraft, or go out and spend too much on a game I won’t play, I realized it had nothing to do with the game, rather the escape it provides. I need connection more than anything.
It has been two weeks since I stopped meeting with my spiritual mentor, and I am in a place of working through my grief and other big life changes. And that is okay. It’s a great place to be.
But I have gone to my vices, to ignore what I need to work through, to escape from what I know the Lord is wanting to help heal in me. So I must lean in.
I know I need connection. Connections with others, with my friends, with my Tribe, with my wife. I feel alone in this journey through grief and I have allowed myself excuses to slow me down, to allow the evil one to get at me, to return to a life that I don’t want.
But I stand tall in the faith I have in the Lord, and I proclaim today, that I will sit with my needs, and ask the Lord what I truly need. I will go to the ultimate source of love and wait patiently on Him to fulfill my needs.
Like only he can.